Learning about yourself

Well I have been vacant from this blog once again and I am starting to find out why.

I have been in therapy for about 7 years. I started going when I was having infertility issues, then it was I had two kids, then it was me adjusting to being a wife/a mom/ a full time worker, the list goes on but never really got in to me more of just how I handle whatever was going on in my life at that moment.

Well now for the first time we are talking about ME and man does it suck. Breaking down yourself as a person means you have to face why you do things - things that I have done for years. 

Well out of these intense sessions I cry but most of all I am getting an understanding of me 

So one of the first things that I have learned is that I live in a black and white world...who knew??? Yet I wear those colors on almost a daily basis.

But really what that means is I am an all or nothing person. I don't know how to just be, to just kind of, to just be good enough. 

For example this blog when I started really getting into it - I was writing 5 times a week, I had link ups, I participated in every link up, I did the nail polish exchange, I had ads, I was a clever girl and I was not going to stop....Well I did stop because I found a job that I just loved and so instead of just casually writin when I felt the need (ok I have a few times this year ex: this one haha) I just stopped....dead in my tracks - I didn't write, I didn't read any thing. For me I just didn't do anything at all.

Point two - I wanted a Michael Kors watch. Soooo as of date I now have.....
 Yes that's right 4 in one year ...nothing small.

And truly the list can go on but the funny part is I am realizing that I do that - now others in my life (and they have told me) see it but I didn't it I was just living my life.

Now I don't think or now if I even want to change this - I like living in my black and white world but just maybe with this therapy I can live some parts in the middle zone. 

And with appointments every two weeks we can only hope....

1 comment:

  1. Girl we are soulmates. Soul sisters. Soul somethings! I just had this same convo this week with my own therapist. I get ya. I love you for everything you are! I'm not on the 4 watch level, but I raise you a kid lol. Learning is good. It doesn't always bring change, but knowledge is power.

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