Feeling right now

Before we get into what I am FEELING right now I want to say that I struggled pushing send on this message for several reasons -
ONE: I am trying to be a positive - optimistic person and I try to make lemonade out of every lemon that I am given,
TWO: I don't like to discuss anything about my work life
THREE: Debbie Downer has been present in my life so much recently that I didn't want to blast her over this little space I occupy on the web
NOW the reasons I am posting this post -
ONE: This community of bloggers have been AMAZING - helpful, supportive, encouraging
TWO: I am learning it isn't so much what you know but WHO you know
THREE: I don't want to just shine the light on the positive and act like nothing bad happens on my space in life.

So as you read this KNOW that I am being honest, vulnerable and open to CONSTRUCTIVE criticism and support if you have anything NEGATIVE to say move on and move past.

So with my disclaimer listed here you go....


I am FEELING overwhelmed.
I am FEELING stressed.
I am FEELING sick to my stomach.
I am FEELING like I can not see the light at the end of the tunnel.
I am FEELING out of control.
I am FEELING

OKAY my emotions are across the board right now. I am in the process of making a BIG change in my life and I cannot control it. I realize things happen for a reason but SHIT sometimes (ok all the time) I would love the script!

To just KNOW would help me. GOOD - BAD - indifferent but to KNOW would be helpful.

I am asking for PRAYERs, guidance and above all I would LOVE to get the answer that I am seeking.

I hate how something can just throw you for a loop. Like you are living life and going down this path happy {maybe my fault - dare I saw it COMFORTABLE} and BAM you get slapped in the face.

It is times like this that I wish I was less controlling, less responsible for the well-being of my family, less in debt and the list can go on forever.

Don't you remember just the other day I wrote this amazing THANKFUL post?? What the hell happened since then??

LIFE happens that's what. I don't like to get up here and vent but sometimes that is all I can do. Because nothing I am doing is changing the fact that this change is happening if I like it or not.

So you ask?? What is she ranting about?? Well let me tell you.....

Well friends my job is in jeopardy - nothing of my doing just another case of the economy. After three years of struggling it is not looking well. I have a family to think about, I have a future to plan for.

PLEASE keep praying for me and my family. {and if anyone knows of a Human Resources position within Southern California that would be greatly appreciated as well}.


Please lord help me...................

A few nights back I had an URGE to write and post this on instagram


and I have to SAY that my friends and followers prayed with me, lifted me up and cared about me beyond belief. I didn't realize how much of a funk I was in. I am PRAYING everyday and hoping that there is a brighter light at the end of this tunnel.

I know that I just have to pick myself up - smile and not put my burdens or fears unto my children. So after posting that - I whipped off my tears and enjoyed a wonderful experience with my babies - Candy Cane making.

I think it was a wonderful NEW experience for our children and to think I thought of canceling just so I could drown my sorrows in my pillow. I am not weak, I am STRONG.

This is why I am strong.... to experience these moments! I know in the large scheme of things my concerns are REAL but small. We can work through it all BUT shit I want something to come easy to me, to us - learning lessons the hard way isn't what it is always cracked up to be.




As I end this post and I stare at my babies eating their handmade candy canes it just makes me know that this LIFE is worth it, that the struggles make us stronger together and we WILL triumph.

Thank you friends, followers, instagram followers, blog community and the good LORD.




8 comments:

  1. I lost my job 4 years ago. It was devistating. I had no clue which way was up. I searched for a job and found one after almost a year. I learned alot about cutting back and compromising. It was hard but all i kept thinking was i have this wonderful kid and he's healthy and i am healthy and that's what i am grateful for. It's going to be fine.. promise.

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  2. I have never even heard of candy cane making!! that is awesome! and in tough times, that little bit of strength will help you. Im proud of you for sticking with your plans instead of laying around playing the what if game! Everyone happens for a reason.. it means something better will come along :) keep your chin up!

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  3. Hugs! I hope everything works out well! I will be praying! Trust in God to get you though every good time and bad times.

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  4. I will keep you in my prayers. I hope you find something soon and if you see anything in southern cal with my agency let me know and I'll try to help. Email me if you want to know how to search for jobs there.

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  5. Keep your head up! God has a plan for everything... I will be praying for you as well!

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  6. I am so sorry you're going through this. My husband was laid off for 8 months in 2009, and it was terrible. Somehow, we made it through, and I will definitely say we are better off for what we went through. I'll be thinking of you!

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  7. *hugs* I wish I could be with you in this tough time. You ARE strong. A very wise woman once told me "with all hard situations comes good." Oh, that wise woman was you! I am damn sure thankful you are in my life. You and your family will make it through this tough patch and I hope little to no money loss will be involved. YOU WILL be in my prayers girl. Keep on truckin along. It will be all worth it in the end. I love ya girl! I am so glad you shared your feelings.

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  8. I found you through Dusty (she's awesome!) and I had to comment. This will pass, but for now, you get to grasp what's most important. I know it sounds soooo cliche, but it's true. Maybe cutting back on things, being more frugal will help in the financial area, and it's only temporary. We all struggle and I think it's great that you are putting your heart out there and getting support from this community.

    (((hugs)))

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